Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

  My sister once told me, "Let's find a new home, both you and I, so that we can live freely and happily. Let's try to achieve this dream before we die." I will admit that I was shocked to hear her last sentence. She also told me, now that her friend is away, she no longer has anyone to turn to.

  It reminds me, we all have trust issues. Friends, I do not have many. Now that my close friend is gone, I have no one to turn to. How about family, you may ask? Anybody who knows me knows that my family is very unreliable. At times. Most times.

  I will admit, I miss my friend. I miss the feeling where you can trust somebody without questioning their motives. I miss the times when you can just call your friend and complain about your life, your problems, everything without wondering whether you are interrupting their lives. (Yup, I was a bitch). 

  Funnily enough, some close friends I had are more practical (?), in the ways where they will avoid you because you have no job. Yes, jobs. I have no idea that this has become the main criteria to befriend people nowadays. 

  Meanwhile, my dear little sister keeps reminding me that people will only turn to you when they want some benefits for themselves. Is it true? Why does life have to be so complicated all of a sudden?

  Sincerity, that is what I am looking for. I do not want people who are only looking for you when they need something. I do not need people who want to be close to you just because you are so freaking good at helping them. 

  I miss people who remind me of sincerity. Of being sincere wanting to become your friend. Of being sincere in knowing about you, your life and your inner self. Of being sincere in telling you that hey, maybe you want to tone down on that attitude / behaviour / bitchiness a level because that is not you

  Life, why do you give me a lemonade and expect me to turn it into a lemon?  


_of Trust vs. Sincerity

Trust : You jump, I jump.

Sincerity : You jump, I will just look around for some kind of life preserver because I sincerely believe that you will get through it. 

Why did I lose both today?


_of Rindu & Heart

Rindu untuk menulis, 
Rindu untuk berkata-kata, 
Rindu untuk didengari.

Rindu dengan diri sendiri,
Rindu dengan orang lain,
Rindu dengan hidup lalu.

Choice. It is always a privilege that I rarely have. 
Decision. It is what I have to constantly do.
Time. One valuable thing that I need to contemplate my future.

What are my choices? Who will make my decisions? Where is the time?
If only I knew.

But heart always do what it wants to do.
And when it is about mistake, it always jump into it headfirst.
Remind heart not to do mistakes. Can I?

Heart, remember.
Remember the pain. Remember the agony. Remember the struggles.
Of forgetting people that you brought inside you.
Always trying without success.

Heart, don't fall again.
Don't fall anymore.
Never open your door.
For pain, agony and struggles await you, if you did.

Listen to me. 
I know. It happened before.


_of Loneliness in a Crowded Place

Have you ever feel that lonely feeling though in a crowded place?
- I have. Every day.

Have you ever seen anyone in that particular state?
- I have. Today.

People always stop to care about other things when they hold that one thing they like the most.
- I have seen people done it. I, too, had done it.
- They say it is contentment. I say it is unfair. 
- And I always question "what if".
- "What if it went away?" "What if it fought back?"
- Then, you will no longer have anything with you.

That will be the time when you feel that absolute feeling of loneliness in crowded places.
- Sadness? Anger? Retaliation?

I have no idea.


_of Changing the Name of the Blog... A Little

  I was thinking that the blog's old name is misleading. A little.

Okay. A LOT.

  So, I think it is time to clarify.

Therefore, The Blog is NOT about LAW. 

Not at all, honey. NOT AT ALL.


_of I-Should-Be-Back-Writing-In-Here

"But-before-that-I-need-to-find-something-to-eat" Face.